Let me explain myself to the nice guys who might stumble upon my words.
You don't need to help everybody.
I know that it seems like if you have the ability to help, it's wrong to ignore someone in need. But let me have you ears for a moment, men, because I'd like to tell you what I think from my perspective. Sit down; have some coffee. Let's get real.There will be people in your life that don't deserve your heart. I know that it's huge, and I know that it's so jampacked with love that it feels like it might burst. I know that you probably have more kindness in your eyeballs than most people have in their whole bodies. BUT. There are people who prey on men like you. I feel like I should be more specific: there are women who WILL prey on men like you. Assistance and kindness and a helping spirit is such an amazing quality to have, but when abused (as in, helping everyone, no matter what) and overly used, it becomes a character flaw.
Helping every single person is not your job.
Bob was a plumber by trade and had two children with his wife, JoAnn. He and JoAnn were highschool sweethearts, former homecoming king and queen, and they made beautiful children with their combined good looks.
One day, a few years into his marriage with JoAnn, Bob got a call from a woman (who we'll call Nancy) whose pipes had burst in the night due to a frost and she needed an emergency trip. Bob got up at midnight and went over to assist Nancy, who was beside herself with worry and sat in tears the whole time he worked. After he'd finished working, she offered him a cup of coffee as a thank you and feeling like he couldn't say no, Bob accepted. They sat and chat.
To Bob, this meant nothing. He arrived home around 3am and JoAnn rolled over to the smell of perfume and coffee. She quieted her overactive imagination and went to sleep.
The next week, Bob received another call from Nancy, who was having plumbing issues with her upstairs toilet. He stopped by, fixed it up, and was again offered coffee. Still feeling like he would be rude if he refused (besides, there's nothing wrong with two people chatting), he accepted. They chatted well into the evening about Nancy's divorce and how hard life was for her and Bob went home to JoAnn. When asked, Bob told JoAnn everything without shame because his sweet heart felt he had done nothing wrong.
Technically, he hadn't.
But JoAnn was hurt.
She had cooked him a dinner. She had waited for him. She had gotten the children ready for bed by herself and cleaned the house. While she felt unreasonable, she couldn't help the feelings of jealousy rising up in her.
"Why can't another plumber help her?"
Bob was offended by JoAnn's question. He was just doing his job, right?
But let me ask you a question:
Is it Bob's job to sit and chat with Nancy after he finished plumbing? No. Was it his job to be a sounding board for another woman going through a divorce? No. Was it his job to fix her plumbing? Yes. Could he have referred it to someone else, since he was married and she was getting to personal with him? Absolutely.
Did she deserve to have a little piece of his kindness and heart? Definitely not. But his wife certainly did, and she didn't receive it that night.
Bob had no business going over to Nancy's after the first experience he had there. Returning was his error and it hurt his wife to know he was spending time with another woman who was divorced, unhappy, looking for happiness, and finding it in her husband.
When your kindness begins to hurt your family, regardless of what is "really happening", rethinking must be done. It doesn't matter what you intend. It doesn't matter what you meant. Nancy was still interpreting Bob's kindness for interest.
I love the kindness in your heart. I'm just asking you to give it wisely and I'm asking you to not show your heart to everyone. A heart is much more personal than a body, but we're more likely to hand our hearts out than our bodies, right? Protect your heart, let your family protect your heart with you, and understand that when you feel like someone is hurt unjustly, it's probably because in your kindness you didn't notice how much you were hurting someone else.
You don't have to help everyone. But please, please, please don't lose your kindness. It's beautiful.
